The day dawns and all is well. The morning sunshine floods the room and warms my heart. I hear the music of a favorite song and I begin to sing along. Even the day’s crowded schedule does not discourage me.
Then it happens. I am completely caught off guard. I am blindsided.
I become a little girl again. I am the one on the playground who is bullied. I am the one in the cafeteria who is left alone at the table. I am the clumsy one who trips and is laughed at. I am the one who is ignored and whispered about behind my back.
So…how does it happen now?
How old do I need to be before I lose the sensitivity to hurt?
How do I, as a strong woman, keep from becoming my little girl self again?
How do I respond to women who still bully?
I want my most recent blindside to be my last. So, I spend time analyzing this experience. First, I study the definitions of the word or expression.
“Blindside: 1. The side on which one’s vision, especially the peripheral vision, is limited or obstructed. 2. The side away from which one is directing one’s attention. 3. To catch (someone) unprepared; attack from an unexpected position.”
I was in a car accident in high school. The car that hit us came out of nowhere! Our blindside became a serious broadside and I was injured. To this day, I am paranoid about constantly checking every side while driving. And I want no distractions on either side.
I find that my spiritual peripheral vision can be limited when I am distracted or not focused. Am I wearing blinders? This happens when I am physically tired and/or spiritually dehydrated. Have you experienced that, too? Is it an indication I need to be bathed more in prayer and immersed more in His Word? Sounds like a rhetorical question!!
So what happened this time? I continue my analysis. Saturday, I was hot, tired, in pain, and worried about several things. Yes. I would say those conditions caused me to have limited “vision.” But I still had a smile on my face. Nobody needed to hear complaints from me!
Several people arrived whom I had not seen in a very long time. I was excited…but very quickly I sensed they were uncomfortable in seeing me. You know the signs: Little or no eye contact. One word responses. Whispered conversations with each other.
I tried to be warm and friendly. But I have to confess, I felt the sting of tears and I experienced waves of nausea. I was caught unprepared.
My knee jerk reaction was to glare back, be rude, be curt. Instead, I found myself trying to figure out what I could have done to cause this. I assumed I was at fault…and like the little girl Ruth, I was ready to take the blame.
Long into the night, I replayed the whole scene in my memory…over and over and over again. I asked the Lord to help me forgive the actions of the women. I felt a wave of pity for them. Perhaps their own insecurities cause them to put others down. Perhaps they have never recognized the ungodliness of their actions.
And some time during the early morning hours I found an answer to my original questions. How am I blindsided? Why am I blindsided?
I will always be surrounded by women: some spiritually strong, some spiritually anemic; some healed from emotional injuries, some still suffering from emotional attacks; some physically radiant with health, some physically drained of energy and nourishment.
I need to do several things, in order to be prepared for another of Satan’s blindsides.
To be so focused on Jesus that He will handle my peripheral vision.
To make sure there is no obstruction in my own life, no “beam in my eye!”
To know His Word so that He always sheds light on my path.
To trust that He will heal any wound from an unexpected attack.
To prepare me for being able to forgive…because He first forgave me.
I am sure there will be many more long nights of conversations with Him! There will be many more lessons for me to learn along this spiritual journey! And there will be many more women who need someone to pray for them!